The rules I work under, and who mediation fits.
Some rules are the Wyoming Rules of Professional Conduct and the mediation statute. Some are mine. All of them are non-negotiable, and all of them exist so that both of you can trust the room.
Request a first session, together.
Both names, both phones. My office runs conflicts on both of you and calls you both at once to book the $500 first session, in person in Jackson or by video from anywhere in Wyoming.
Rather talk? Call (307) 300-2496 with both of you on the line, or text . If one of you has already spoken to me alone about the case, say so and I will give you names of other mediators.
The rules I work under, and why each one is there.
Some are the Wyoming Rules of Professional Conduct and the mediation statute. Some are mine. All of them are non-negotiable.
| The rule | What it means for you | Where it comes from |
|---|---|---|
| You approach me together. | The first contact about the divorce comes from both of you, in one request or one call. If one spouse contacts me alone about the case, I can be that spouse’s lawyer or nobody’s; I can no longer be the mediator. | Neutrality. A mediator who has heard one side first is not neutral, and both of you have to believe that I am. |
| I never represent either of you. | From the moment you approach me as a mediator, I am disqualified from representing either spouse in this matter, in the divorce or in a later dispute between you, whether or not we reach an agreement. | Wyo. R. Prof. Conduct 1.12 (a lawyer who served as a third-party neutral); Rule 2.4; and my own rule, which is stricter than the rules require. |
| I am not your lawyer, and I say so. | I explain the law to both of you, at the same time, in the same words. I do not advise either of you what to accept. When you need advice, that is what your own lawyer is for, and each of you will have one before you sign. | Wyo. R. Prof. Conduct 2.4(b): a lawyer serving as a neutral must tell unrepresented parties that the lawyer is not representing them. |
| Everything in the room is confidential. | Mediation communications are confidential and privileged; I cannot be made to disclose them. The exceptions are written consent of both of you, a future crime or harmful act, a communication indicating that a child has been abused, information discoverable anyway, and enforcement of the signed agreement. The signed agreement is not confidential. | W.S. §§ 1-43-102, 1-43-103 |
| Full disclosure, or we stop. | Both of you commit in writing to disclose every asset, debt and source of income, and exchange sworn financial affidavits and the documents the court would require before we negotiate. An omission discovered during mediation ends it. | The disclosures the court requires in a filed case (W.S. § 20-2-308; W.R.C.P. 26(a)(1.1)). A settlement built on a material omission can be reopened; there is no advantage in hiding anything, and every reason not to. |
| No individual contact, except as I direct. | At my discretion I may meet with each of you separately, and both of you will know it is happening. Otherwise I do not talk with, email or text one of you about the case without the other present. | Neutrality again. The side conversation is where mediations die. |
| Not where there is violence or abuse. | Where there are allegations of domestic violence or abuse, I do not mediate, and my office screens for it at intake. | Office policy. The process needs two people who can negotiate freely, and a spouse who is afraid cannot. |
| Your own lawyer reviews the agreement before you sign. | Each of you has independent counsel review the complete agreement before the signing session. I will not hold the signing without it. | Wyo. R. Prof. Conduct 2.4; and it is what makes the agreement yours, and what makes it hold. |
Once signed by both of you and incorporated into the decree, the mediated agreement is an order of the court, enforced by contempt like any other. The court reviews the financial terms for fairness and the children’s terms for their best interests, and every support order must state the presumptive amount from the statute’s tables (W.S. § 20-2-307); an agreement drafted by someone who has watched judges do that review for thirty years is drafted to pass it.
Who it is for, and who it is not.
Both of you can say yes to these.
- You both want the divorce resolved, fairly, and would rather decide the terms than have a judge decide them
- You can both sit in a room, or on a screen, and talk
- You will both disclose everything, and you expect the same of the other
- You want the children’s arrangements settled by the two of you, not by a guardian ad litem and a judge
- You want the estate priced after tax, by someone who knows what a judge would do with it
- You want it done in months, in private, with one professional instead of two litigation teams
Any one of these ends it.
- There are allegations of domestic violence or abuse
- One of you will not disclose, or has moved or hidden assets
- One of you is using the process to delay, or to learn the other’s case
- One of you cannot make decisions freely, for any reason
- One of you has already consulted me about this divorce
- Either of you wants a lawyer who is on your side in the room; that is a different service, and I can refer you to counsel
What I tell every couple before the first session.
Six things. They are not legal advice; they are what thirty years of these rooms has taught me.
Six things.
- Come together, or not at all. The request has to come from both of you. If one of you calls me alone about the divorce, I become that spouse’s lawyer or nobody’s, and I can no longer be your mediator.
- Decide that you want an agreement more than you want to win. Mediation resolves the case a judge would otherwise decide. It works for couples who both want it over, fairly, and it does not work for a spouse who is using it to delay or to reconnoiter.
- Disclose everything, the first time. Every account, every debt, every interest. An agreement built on an omission can be reopened, and an omission discovered mid-mediation ends the mediation.
- Bring your questions, not your positions. The first session is for your concerns: the children, the house, the company, the money after. I answer them for both of you at once. Positions come later, if at all.
- Plan on your own lawyer at the end. Each of you will have independent counsel review the agreement before the signing session. That is not a formality; it is what makes the agreement yours and what makes it hold.
- Expect me to be direct. I will tell both of you what a judge would likely do. If one of you is asking for something a court would never order, you will hear that from me, in front of the other. That candor is the point.
Six things people get wrong about mediation.
A mediator just splits the difference.
A mediator who has tried seventy cases anchors the discussion to what a judge would do. The middle of two positions is not the standard; the law is.
We can each hire Aaron if mediation fails.
Neither of you can. Once you approach me as a mediator I am conflicted out of representing either of you in this matter, whether or not we reach an agreement.
Mediation is only for couples who already agree.
It is for couples who both want to agree. The disagreements are what the sessions are for; the parenting plan and the money are worked through issue by issue.
What I say in mediation can be used against me later.
Mediation communications are confidential and privileged by statute. The signed agreement is the only thing that leaves the room.
We have to live near Jackson to use you.
No. I mediate for couples anywhere in Wyoming, by video from any county, and in person in Jackson for those who want it.
Mediation takes years.
Most couples finish in four to six sessions over one to two months. Wyoming’s minimum from filing to decree is twenty days; a mediated case is usually past it by the time the agreement is signed.
The rest of the guide.
One subject per page, so you can read what you need and ask for the first session when you are ready.
Request a first session, together.
Both of you fill in one form. My office runs a conflicts check on both names and then emails and calls both of you at once, usually the same business day, to set a first session, in person in Jackson or by video from anywhere in Wyoming. The first session is $500, paid when it is booked, and both of you attend. Prefer the phone? Call (307) 300-2496 with both of you on the line.
If one of you has already talked with me alone about the substance of the case, say so on the form and I will give you the names of other mediators. Lawyers setting up a mediation in a pending case can contact my office directly; the joint-contact rule is for spouses without counsel.